Currently Listening Imagine By John Lennon see related

And then there were some

Where's the Beef?

Yuck

So I got my wisdom teeth out today.  It was a really weird experiance for me. I was pretty terrified to tell the truth.  But the funny thing is that I wasn't scared about the surgery, but I was really afraid of the IV that they were going to give me.  After taking my mom to the hospital so many times you think it wouldn't make me scared of needles but I think it grew that fear.  Everytime I get an iv I remember my mom and how much pain she was in all the time.  It doesn't really help that my veins are kinda hard to find like hers were.  Ok, annoying side note, so I have gauze in my mouth right now and cant talk worth...well anything really and someone keeps calling me and I dont know the number! Its driving me crazy, I wish they would just leave a messege.  Its interesting that when I can't talk, I realize what a big mouth I have when I can talk.  Seriously, I am constatnly talking! And now that I can't, I realize how nice it is to listen.  I almost feel like a monk taking a vow of silence and its kinda nice to tell you to truth. The great thing is, no one preasures me to talk, they just come over to enjoy my presence.  A lot can be said without talking.  It feels good to write again.  My days have been up and down to the point that somedays I think I  have forgetten who I am.  AH!  That person called again and didn't leave a messege!  Anyway, back to the teeth experience.  So I got there and they were running behind so I had to wait for about an hour anticipating this lovely experiance yet to come.  So they put a hair net on me, and take my blood preasure and put a heart monitor on my wrist and ankle, I didn't know it was going to be this intense.  Then, yet again, I sat and waited.  They had two large windows in the room, one right infront of me and one to my left that looked outside.  But, they had blue screens covering most of the windows except for about six inches at the top so I could only see some tree brances and new leaves blowing.  I wanted to see more, but then I realized that no one wanted to see my bloody mouth as they walked by.  That realization for some reason made me a bit nervous.  I was going to be asleep during the surgery, and that oddly gave my comfort like it wasn't really going to happen. I was just going to sleep and wake up and it would all have been a crule joke.  No such luck.  But the doctor came in and he asked how I was doing and if I was ready.  I laghed at that.  Probably not one of the nicest things to do, but I wasn't feeling too nice.  I told him I was nervous about the IV and he said he would walk me through it, he was very nice.  Although, he reminded me of one of those guys as a child who would have stalked me.  He was tall and lanky with hair that looked like blood oranges, a million freckles and a smile that didn't really look like it should belong to an oral surgen.  But he gave me some "laughing gas" which failed its namesake miserably.  I couldn't tell if it was working, I got a bit dizzy I think but that was it. I was still terrified, not laughing.  I asked him what it was supposed to do (to give him a hint that I wasn't feeling any different) and he said it was supposed to relax me, yeah right.  But he started getting the iv stuff and tied my arm and I pumped my fist and he tried to find the vein with my fingers, thats never a good sign.  I asked the nurse to hold my hand while he gave me the IV.  She tried, but it made me wonder if she had ever held anyones hand before.  The iv was pretty bad like I expected, he wiggled and twisted the needle under my skin to find my vein.  See, that part confuses me, I don't see how it really works. It seems you would make more of a bad puncture wound or something that looks like a masicistic sewing accident. But I tried not to squirm and he got it.  Then he told me to take 10 deep breaths.  I remember being sceptical of the gas because it didn't relax me before. But, I only got to 5 so it must have been doing something! Haha! The funny thing was, I really wanted to trust the gas. I remember while I was in pain with the IV thinking "breath deeper! This is supposed to help it not hurt" so maybe I breathed a lot in. So, I woke up and started crying. But only for a few minutes. The nurse said she thinks its a release of the anxioty because it happens a lot.  My brother and stepsister also had theirs out today.  So we are all being pampered to, which is really nice.  Its times like these that I miss my mom though.  I was trying to think of what my mom would have been telling me to comfort me in the waiting room, that helped a bit.  I am such a baby compaired to her.  I appreciate her strength so much when I got to hospitals or anything like that.  But Lisa is being so great today, she is helping me alot.  Well, now I have to try to feed myself so I can take a loritab.  Weeeeeeee

Love and Proof Reading

So I've decided that I'm going to proof read my blog from now on. Doesn't that make you happy? Its kinda ironic that I don't like to, or even make the effort to proof read and I'm an English major.  Oh well, we all have our faults! 

The Road of Life

I'm not sure what I'm going to write today, I just felt like writing.  Here comes my ramblings...

I was thinking the other day about my past.  I'm sure you have heard people or of people who say that they loved their childhood and their teenage years but would never go back and do those years again. I used be really confused when I would hear someone say this.  I couldn't help but thinking "why wouldn't you choose to be young and have all your choices to make again, and perhaps have a chance to make things better?"  I am just beginning to realize why I personally would never choose to live my past again, even for the simple fact that life back then and even right now is far too stressful! I believe there is a common misconception that leads one to believe that if they had just made another choice or done something else than life would be so much better.  Ok, as a disclaimer, its true that there are choices that definitely would be better if changed, such as murder, or that night you had one too many and can't remember how you came to wake up with a dog and a baby.  But I'm not talking about those decisions, I'm talking about the decisions you make everyday and the people you come into contact with that sometimes lead you to wish you never met them.  I think this is a big mistake.  The Lord knows I have so many of those feelings, especially now when I have complicated my life a little bit recently, but I don't think I would change my past, near or long gone.  Those decisions probably saved me from greater pitfalls that I may have taken otherwise.  Honestly, sometimes it better to drive through those ugly potholes in the road instead of swerving off of the cliff on the other side of the road.  My only regret is hurting others, or potentially hurting others.  I hate to see those who I care for in any way shape or form endure pain that I had some part in causing.  Unfortunately I am struggling with facing that I am going to have to hurt one of those people soon in hopes of this decision being a pothole and not a firey death. This is making me sad just writing and thinking about what I have to do.  But I guess separation is a part of life and can not be avoided if you are concentrated on a goal.