I'm not sure what I'm going to write today, I just felt like writing.  Here comes my ramblings...

I was thinking the other day about my past.  I'm sure you have heard people or of people who say that they loved their childhood and their teenage years but would never go back and do those years again. I used be really confused when I would hear someone say this.  I couldn't help but thinking "why wouldn't you choose to be young and have all your choices to make again, and perhaps have a chance to make things better?"  I am just beginning to realize why I personally would never choose to live my past again, even for the simple fact that life back then and even right now is far too stressful! I believe there is a common misconception that leads one to believe that if they had just made another choice or done something else than life would be so much better.  Ok, as a disclaimer, its true that there are choices that definitely would be better if changed, such as murder, or that night you had one too many and can't remember how you came to wake up with a dog and a baby.  But I'm not talking about those decisions, I'm talking about the decisions you make everyday and the people you come into contact with that sometimes lead you to wish you never met them.  I think this is a big mistake.  The Lord knows I have so many of those feelings, especially now when I have complicated my life a little bit recently, but I don't think I would change my past, near or long gone.  Those decisions probably saved me from greater pitfalls that I may have taken otherwise.  Honestly, sometimes it better to drive through those ugly potholes in the road instead of swerving off of the cliff on the other side of the road.  My only regret is hurting others, or potentially hurting others.  I hate to see those who I care for in any way shape or form endure pain that I had some part in causing.  Unfortunately I am struggling with facing that I am going to have to hurt one of those people soon in hopes of this decision being a pothole and not a firey death. This is making me sad just writing and thinking about what I have to do.  But I guess separation is a part of life and can not be avoided if you are concentrated on a goal.